Beautifying Bernadette: A BBW Romantic Comedy (The Jackson Tribe Book 1) Read online

  Levi rubbed her back a little. “It’s okay. You’re right, we haven’t discussed it. I just introduced you to my parents the day after we started dating, so it never crossed my mind that you weren’t doing the same. I’ve never been someone’s dirty little secret.”

  He let out a light laugh. “But that does open up a topic we haven’t yet discussed. Are you hoping for children right away? I was thinking maybe an even dozen, six of each. We can name all the boys with L names, Luke, Liam, Lucifer, the girls with B’s Bonnie, Betty, Billie…”

  Bernie’s heart had lurched when he started off with his dozen talk, but, by the end, she could tell he was teasing, and she was shaking laughing. “Well, I mean if you wanted to stop at a dozen we could, but I always thought I’d like one name for every letter of the alphabet. I mean, we can adopt some if you don’t want my vagina to look like a clown car I guess, but I’d feel like I was cheating. I could always Michelle Duggar it…”

  Levi squeezed her tightly and let out a massive belly laugh.

  Bernie giggled and then asked in a more somber tone. “Seriously though, do you want kids?”

  Levi nuzzled into her neck. “I do, but I’m good waiting for a while. And I am sure not set on any number. I kind of like the idea of four, but I am happy to go more or fewer when the time comes.”

  Bernie nodded. “I’ve always thought four sounded like a perfect number too. I know that I don’t want to do what my parents did and just have one. And I don’t want to wait until I’m ancient. But, I would like to get my master’s finished first.”

  “That would be wise. And I need to get higher up on the food chain on the force. I always assumed my wife would stay home with the kids.”

  Bernie scrunched her nose a little. “I have zero intention of being ‘just a mom,’ but if I get my counseling degree, for like private counseling, I can set my own hours and can be with my family most of the time. I don’t want to have a baby while I’m still working at the school. I’d feel so sad leaving her every day.”

  In a teasing “Gastonesque” tone, Levi growled at her. “Oh, so you’ve already decided our first is a little girl, huh? What about my strapping male replication of my DNA? Don’t you know that all men are dying to have a son to carry on the family name and spread the seed?”

  Levi leaned on one arm and made a muscle with the other.

  Bernie made a fake shocked expression. “Oh my goodness! I am so sorry, dear kind sir, I didn’t remember my place as the sweet little baby factory. Please forgive my grave error in judgment.”

  He climbed on top of her again and kissed her face all over until she squealed for mercy, and then hopped off of the bed. “All right love, I need to go into the station for a bit to work through some things, and you need to call your parents.”

  Bernie groaned out. “Yes, sir, after you leave okay?”

  She rolled off of the bed as well and went to the kitchen and made some coffee. She knew she was going to need it.

  Levi threw on his uniform, brushed his hair and then left for the station.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Carrying her phone back to the bed, she laid on her tummy, feet in the air, and dialed her parents’ home number.

  Her mother answered on the first ring

  “Hello, Bernadette! How are you today, dear?”

  “Hey, Mom. I’m good, hey um, is Dad around? I kind of want to talk to you both.”

  “Why? Do you need money? Did something happen? I knew you shouldn’t move so far away.”

  “Mom! It’s nothing bad, just get Dad, put me on speaker… I just want to talk to both of you at the same time.”

  “You don’t need to be snotty about it.”

  Bernie groaned. “I’m sorry. Can you please tell Dad I’m on the phone?”

  “HONEY! BERNADETTE IS ON THE PHONE! I THINK SHE NEEDS MONEY!”

  “Shit—Mom, way to shout right in my ear, and I told you I don’t need—”

  She could hear the phone being moved around.

  “Hey, Bumblebee, you’re in a tight spot? I can get a check in the mail tomorrow. I think the carrier already went through today.”

  “Dad, Mom, I don’t… Oh my God! Can you two shut up for one minute and put the damn phone on speaker? I’m engaged! Not broke!”

  She heard the clicking and beeping as they finally moved it to speaker.

  “Now, Bee, that’s no way to speak to your… Did she just say she is engaged! Give me the phone, Bill. Bernadette, Engaged? Like to be married? Oh dear, I thought you were on the pill. How could you let this happ—”

  “Gladys, calm down, we don’t know anything yet. Don’t berate the girl, let her talk.”

  Bernie rolled over on her back and screamed, initially from frustration with her insane parents, and then in shock as she realized how bruised her ass really was. “Can you two please be quiet for one minute, and let me explain? I am not pregnant. I met a guy, a very nice guy, large family, good job, goes to church, very kind to me, very respectful.” When he’s not beating my ass for disobedience “We’ve been dating for… awhile. I just didn’t want to say anything until I was sure we were serious. And… we are.”

  The line went silent for a moment.

  “Guys?”

  “You’re actually engaged? To a boy we’ve never met! Bernadette, how could you do this? We are coming down. That’s insane. I mean—what do you even know about him? What’s his job? Has he been married before? Did you get tested before you started having relations?”

  “Gawd! Mom! He’s a co—police officer. He’s a good guy, and is looking forward to meeting both of you. And you might want to save yourselves the trip because we getting married Labor Day weekend, so you’d be coming down twice. And I know Dad hates driving long distances.” At his age Bill’s idea of a “long drive” was anything farther than twenty minutes. “And, not that it’s any of your business, but we haven’t had ‘relations,’ so don’t even worry about it. The less you think about my sex life the better.” Just saying the word “Sex” to her parents had her face flaming red.

  “Bee, we will be down there by lunch tomorrow. I need to meet this young man, and your mother will not find a moment’s peace until she has seen everything with her own two eyes. Plus, I think she wants to find you a dress and venue,” he said with a chuckle.

  Bernie rolled her eyes; her mother was so bi-polar yelling one second about how this couldn’t happen and the next putting together all the plans.

  Then it hit her they said tomorrow. “Oh! Yes, um, of course you’re welcome to come down and stay with me. I’ll change the sheets in the spare room.”

  And clean the apartment top to bottom, her mother was kind of anal, and since she had been at Levi’s most of the time lately, she hadn’t had a chance to clean. Well, not that she had exactly really been keeping it up much during the school year. There was always a good and very valid reason why she couldn’t keep the apartment clean. “But, Levi and I have to be at the courthouse most of the day for a, um, a friend of ours and I am not sure when we will be back, so later might be better? Maybe next week?”

  “Oh don’t be silly.” Her mother had obviously grabbed the phone again. “I’ll just fix us a nice dinner at your place and you and… what’s his name, Bernadette? You haven’t even told us his name. Well, whatever it is, you and he can come back and we can all eat together. That would be lovely. I have a nice rump roast in the freezer and it will thaw nicely in the cooler on the drive down. “

  Bernie let out an exasperated sigh. They got her so frazzled, of course she forgot key pieces of information like names. “Levi, Mom, his name is Levi. Officer Levi Jackson. He is twenty-seven, lives about fifteen minutes from me. And yes… that would be fine. Please don’t go to any trouble, but, since I know you will anyways, I’ll make sure everything is ready in the kitchen, and that Levi and I are here for dinner, okay?”

  “Good, good! All right, we’ll see you tomorrow! Oh! Do you have fresh garlic? You know what, never mind, I�
�ll just go to store tonight. You never have anything except coffee. Lord, I’ve never seen anyone who has so much coffee.”

  “Bye, Bumblebee, see you tomorrow.”

  With a groan, Bernie said, “Okay. Bye guys. See you… tomorrow.”

  ***

  She dropped Levi a text.

  Parents coming into town, gotta get my apartment ready, see you at the courthouse tomorrow. Love you, fiancé

  Bernie drove at the maximum she could without being “really speeding” and hurried up to her apartment.

  “God, I don’t even know where to start with this. Eww! Is that the Chinese from Wednesday? It’s… Tuesday. I am so gross. And pathetic.” She looked around at everything that needed to be done and sat down on the couch and just cried.

  After about fifteen minutes of self-piteous sobbing and groaning and lamenting she texted Ashley.

  Hey Ash- any chance you want to pick up a pizza and help me get my apartment ready for the ‘rents?

  And then cringed, awaiting the response. The last time her parents had come down was Thanksgiving and, after a six-hour all-nighter, Ashley swore she was never doing this again, and if Bernie asked they were “Done. Over. Finite,” but it had been months, so hopefully Ashley had forgiven her, right?

  She had not. The text back confirmed this.

  Not only no, not only HELL to the no, but FUCK no, girl, you’re on your own this time.

  Bernie was tempted to start sobbing again, but she dialed Ginny’s number instead.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, Ginny! It’s me. Uh, Bernie, how’s it going?”

  “Oh hey, Bernie! Sorry, I guess I didn’t have your number saved in my phone yet. I’m good. And you?”

  “Um, I’m good I’m good, so uh… I was wondering what you’re doing tonight. I was thinking we could have a girls’ night, like a sleepover or something. ‘Cause you’re like homeschooled, right so you don’t have to go to…”

  She realized that sounded really assuming and dismissive and faltered. “I… I didn’t mean that… um…”

  Ginny laughed. “It’s okay, I know what you meant. And well, for one thing, it’s summer, Miss Guidance Counselor who has been off of work for weeks. For another, I am taking a six weeks course this summer, but it’s cancelled tomorrow for the Prof’s birthday, so I am actually free. And that sounds really fun.”

  Bernie sighed and rushed out the rest of it, “Okay, so it’s not totally… selfless on my part. Or totally for fun? I… um… my parents are unexpectedly coming into town ‘cause of Levi and my engagement and—”

  “You’re what? Oh my God! MOM!”

  “No! Ginny! Shh! Please! GINNY!”

  She could hear Maggie in the background and Ginny say, “Oh, uh, Bernie wants me to come for a sleepover, is that cool?” And then when the other voice died down, heard Ginny saying in a low tone, “Secret? Want to talk about it later?”

  “Yes. Please. I think Levi wants to tell everyone together, I just have a big mouth. Okay, so my parents are coming into town and my apartment is a wreck ‘cause I was recovering last couple weeks, right? Sooo… I wondered…”

  “You want some help cleaning? I’d love to. We can kill two birds with one stone. My friends and I used to have cleaning parties all the time. Get some pizza and junk food, put a movie on really loud so we can hear it and go to work. Sounds good to me! Mama says I can take the car, so I can be over in like forty-five. I’ll get necessary supplies on the way—like chocolate ice cream and a Dominos pizza.”

  “Oh my God, Ginny, you’re like a life saver. For real. Can you um… not mention this to Levi? The cleaning or the surprise engagement news? Any of it?”

  “My lips are sealed. See you soon.”

  They hung up and Bernie felt excited. She had been wanting an excuse to get to know her, well, sister-in-law to be, better, and was really grateful for the help. But also really ashamed. Now Ginny would know what a pig she was… but it was too late to cancel or withdraw her plea for help. So Bernie tried to plow forward. She started the linens for the guest room, emptied and loaded the dishwasher, and had emptied the sink by hand washing the rest of the dishes by the time Ginny showed up.

  At the insistent knock at the door, Bernie threw it open and laughed at the sight of her new sister buried in boxes and bags.

  “I come bearing gifts! Pepperoni pizza, extra cheese! Peach cobbler from Mama. Chocolate ice cream, chocolate bars, and my entire collection of nail polish because what sleepover is complete without mani/pedis?”

  Bernie helped her in by taking some of the stuff off of her hands, and then nervously showed her around the apartment. She waited for Ginny to express judgment, but the younger girl didn’t have even a shadow on her face.

  She just said cheerily, “Let’s eat pizza while it’s hot, then we can divide and conquer the rest of it! You’re lucky your apartment is so small. When we have cleaning days at the ranch, it’s intense. Every single bedroom has their own bathroom! So, I’ll just be upfront, bathrooms are totally not my thing. With so many older brothers, I think I am just scarred for life, but I can wield a vacuum or mop like a pro!”

  Bernie grinned. “I prefer to do my own bathroom, so that works. And uh, thank you for your help! Lemme get us drinks.”

  Opening the fridge, she cheered. “Oh! I have a bottle of wine in here! Perfect!”

  Ginny laughed lightly and then pointed out, “Um… I’m seventeen, Bern… I can’t exactly have alcohol.”

  Bernie shook her head. “Wine isn’t really alcohol and besides Jesus drank it, right?”

  Ginny faltered. “I, well, I mean, Mama and Daddy did let me have a sip last Christmas, but… the kids who come to the ranch are sometimes there because of underage drinking. What if someone finds out? Wouldn’t you get in trouble?”

  Bernie shook her head. “Nah! First off, no one is going to know, we’re in my apartment. You’re not going to tell, right? And I’m sure not going to tell. Secondly, no one would penalize us for a glass of wine with dinner. That would be silly.”

  Ginny bit her lip, but then nodded slowly. “O… okay. Let’s do it!” She giggled nervously, but grabbed one of the wine glasses Bernie had brought to the table. “Fill ‘er up, milady!” Bernie happily obliged, pouring herself one as well.

  Ginny made a face with her first sip, but kept working at it through dinner.

  They chatted about random things like favorite school subjects and cute actors. Bernie had a second glass while Ginny was still nursing her first.

  After they had both had their fill of pizza and Ginny had finished her wine, she expressed happily. “It makes my head a little sleepy, ya know?”

  Bernie laughed and shook her head. “Lightweight.”

  Then, they divided up the chores that needed to be done.

  It only took three hours of concentrated cleaning and every surface was cleared and wiped down, the floors vacuumed and mopped. Even the guest room was perfection. They made it up with fresh linens, a pomegranate mango candle sitting on the dresser and even a couple of the Dove chocolates that Ginny had brought adorning the pillows. It looked and smelled perfect.

  Bernie offered Ginny a double high five and then a huge hug. “You are a lifesaver! Thank you! Movies and dessert now? And I think we deserve an extra special treat. Frozen Daiquiris!”

  Ginny shrugged. “You know what? I’ve already had a glass of wine, why not go all out? I’ll serve up the cobbler and ice cream, and you get the drinks!”

  Once everything was all made and set, they decided on a romcom on Netflix and settled into the couch to enjoy the sweet rewards of their labors. Once she had finished her daiquiri, Bernie grabbed the wine and finished off the bottle before falling asleep before the credits. Ginny fell asleep next to her on the large L sofa.

  ***

  And this is where Levi found them the next morning when he came up to the apartment because he was concerned when Bernie wasn’t answering her phone all night or morning. He was not impressed by
the unlocked door when he let himself into the apartment, was incredibly impressed at the cleanliness of everything, and was significantly unimpressed when he spied the two wine glasses and two daiquiri goblets, and the girls snoring on the couch.

  “Bernadette Grace Douglas!” She snorted a little, but barely stirred, so he tried his sister instead. “Virginia!”

  She rolled over and opened her eyes a little and grinned using his childhood nickname. “Hey, LaLa, whooooa… my head hurts a little and you look super pissed. You might want to go back to bed and get out on the other side.”

  He came and leaned over the back of the couch inches from her face. “First off, why are you here asleep on Bernadette’s couch, and more importantly, please tell me my baby sister did not partake of any alcohol last night.”

  Ginny’s eyes widened when he put his face close to hers and her voice shook a little. “Well… I’m here because Bernie needed help cleaning for her parents coming into town tonight, and she wanted to have a sleepover. And well, I would love to tell you that, but I promised you when I was six I’d never lie to you again soooo… I can’t exactly say that, ya know? But it’s okay because we didn’t go anywhere or tell anyone. So Bernie won’t get in trouble for it.”

  Levi raised his eyebrows. “Oh you will both be in so much trouble, but, you’re correct not with the law. Please go pack your things; you’re going home. Bernie and I have some things to talk about. Do you need a ride home or did you bring the car?”

  Ginny realized now that her big brother was trying to get rid of her so he could discipline Bernie and she felt sick. “Yeah, I have the car, but LaLa, please don’t be mad at Bernie. I finally had someone who wasn't treating me like a baby and it felt good. She was just trying to include me. I only had one glass of each.”